“Is it when the cherry pops?”
“What about oral? Does that count?”
“Isn’t it just simply vaginal intercourse?”
So many questions arise when trying to determine when one loses their virginity; so many questions that DO NOT come with a simple answer. How do we decide, then? Shouldn’t there be a universal answer for this kind of thing? Since there truly is not one answer, there must be a bazillion considering all the individuals on this planet. Each boy and girl forking over their definition for what it means to lose their virginity. I say more power to it; we need more grey area rather than all the black and white we are taught. Just as long as you do not get offended when the girl next to you finds your definition to be a little more, let’s say, “slutty”.
I think we can all agree on how difficult of a subject virginity can be, especially as women. We tend to form our own opinion, and shortly after, begin to rethink it once we hear another woman’s personal outlook. To make matters worse, we have society putting a huge burden on us to remain “pure”. I loved Jessica Valenti’s piece The Cult of Virginity. Her depth into exploring the world of sexuality, purity, and everything in between was very enlightening. As she touched on the expectations of women and their purity, I wanted to look into it a little more. However, I did not have to search too far. The definition virgin says “a person, typically a woman, who has never had sexual intercourse”. Typically a woman, ugh, I thought.
So why is it typically a woman? Why has being a virgin become such a desirable thing in women when we don’t really even know what it is? I recently heard one of my friends talking about this male individual that kept tally marks of how many women he had slept with. Alright, now let’s picture if this was the opposite way around. If a female was keeping tally marks on how many guys she had slept with; it would seem a little more absurd, wouldn’t it? I can’t ask it enough times, why is that?
So let’s go back to the beginning of this, what does it mean to lose one’s virginity? No one has the answer because it is a personal decision all in itself. The article below goes more in depth about how the aspects of virginity are all up to YOU. That’s why I say when deciding what it means to be desirable, make sure that is up to YOU as well. That way when you ask yourself why, you will know it is because of you and not society.